WAUKEE, Iowa — Every person comes out in their own time, in their own way. It's their story to tell.
For Jayden Song, a 16-year-old in Waukee, he understood from an early age coming out meant more than just now being openly gay. As a Hmong-American, he had to brace for the challenges that came with the intersectionality of two identities.
In his day to day life, Jayden's found many ways to express himself.
"I love listening to music when I'm creating art because it's all multifaceted," he said, as he showed different pieces of art he created for school projects. "I really enjoy art. It's one of my passions."
His mother, Jade Song, is the kind of mom who looks at her children and beams with joy.
"This is of Jayden in 2014," she said, digging through old family photos.
"Being a mom is super rewarding," she added.
She'd beam more if only she knew how rewarding it is for Jayden to have her as his mom.
"I feel very grateful to have that kind of support from a parent, especially," Jayden told Local 5's Chenue Her.
That's support Jayden has leaned on for the past four years. At 12 years old, the mother and son shared a moment that led to a pivotal conversation.
"I don't think I ever did 'come out, come out'. I think she just knew," Jayden said, while trying to recall the moment four years ago.
In the background, Jade reminded him: "The dress ... for show choir."
"There we go. Perfect. For show choir, I wanted to wear a dress because I thought it would look so good and then she was like 'What?' and I'm like 'Yeah!' and then from there it was the domino that started the whole process," Jayden said.
"'You want to wear a dress? Okay'. So, that's really how we started the conversation about 'Where is this coming from? How long has this been?' That's really the journey around it. I want him to always feel like I'll always be there to support him," Jade told Local 5.
Jade and Jayden both said it took time for her to sort through initial feelings and answer questions, but Jayden offered his mom a lot of grace and patience because even at a young age, he understood the layers and complexity to this conversation as someone who identifies as a Hmong-American LGBTQ+ person.
That love helped Jade as a mom to grow, learn, and be a champion for Jayden.
"She was always by my side but that doesn't necessarily mean that my whole family was. Even to this day, I have relatives who don't really understand what being LGBTQ is because they come from a different time," Jayden said.
Jade expanded on his point saying, "Being born into a family where you are first-generation and your parents come from this completely, different world right? Not just here in the United States but across the world where they grew up and didn't really have terminologies for LGBTQ."
What she described is reflected in a 2023 report from the Human Rights Campaign. The research found more than 6 in 10 AANHI people in America are immigrants. Many LGBTQ+ youth in those communities are afraid to come out, instead living silently by the expectations of many Asian cultures that stress familial duty and conformity.
"Just not understanding the two worlds can be very difficult to get support as an LGBTQ person and as an AAPI person because our parents just don't understand," said Malay Bouaphakeo, a mental health therapist in Des Moines who was raised in Storm Lakke, Iowa.
Like Jayden, Bouaphakeo understands living a life balancing two worlds being raised in a Lao immigrant home.
"I can't remember what had happened to my mom at work when I was talking to her and I just kind of find myself talk to my mom about like 'Who cares what anybody says? Just be yourself' and I'm like holy crap. I'm being a hypocrite right now and I just found myself being like 'Why am I hiding myself but giving my mom this advice?' Then, I just told her. I told her," she candidly shared. "It was funny. It was at Pizza Hut in Storm Lake. We're eating pizza and she didn't understand. That was her first thing. She didn't understand. She was like 'You only see this on TV. I don't understand. What does that mean?' Do you still love me? Do you still support me? Do you still have pride in me? I didn't get that in the moment, which is what I would've wanted. But, later on that night, she hugged me and told me she was still proud of me."
Now happily married and a mom of five, Bouaphakeo has poured her passion into "The Radical Advocate", her mental health practice helping people thrive as both a therapist and life coach. She said her goal is to love people, connect with them, and help them find ways to live their best lives. Like she's experienced in her own life, she encourages people to listen to each other and lend support for those finding themselves.
Resources like Bouaphakeo have been crucial for Jade and Jayden as they navigate the journey together.
"In all of the research and the resources, it's not about me as a parent and what I think," Jade said.
"It means that I can come home and I can feel safe and I can really be who I am," Jayden explained as he thinks about the support and love he's gotten from his mom.
Jayden's journey starts with being proud of who he is in his entirety and not sacrificing one part for the other.
"I'm a gay Hmong person. They go hand in hand ... I am proud of that," said Jayden.
A message Jade wants to send to kids out there, regardless of where they are in their journey, is to remember you are loved so find your inner self and represent who that is.
As for Jayden, his message to parents of LGBTQ+ kids is just try to understand because he said understanding allows a child to feel safe, which leads to growth. That growth then turns into blossoming relationships between a parent and child.